Giddy-up!

So this weekend didn't go quite as well as the past few weeks had been.  I used symptoms, after 11 days going without.  I'm not gonna beat myself up, but I am regretting putting myself back at the start.  Back at day one.  I didn't lose those 11 days.  But it's still disappointing that I messed up.

Oh well. Onwards I go, getting back up on the horse.  I now have one full day back on track, and closing in on day 2 I think I can make it through.  I will.  I'm really just taking this one minute, hour, day at a time.

My urges have been creeping back up on me, but I noticed that even when I gave into them this weekend, I didn't get the same satisfaction that usually do when I fulfill those urges.  And I sure as heck felt like absolute SHIT (physically and mentally) after the fact.  It's weird how different it is... When I'm entrenched in the eating disorder and using symptoms multiple times a day, I get so used to feeling horrible that it doesn't bother me... But when I've been doing well and feeling better, one slip and I feel like I got run over by a truck the next day.  So that's good motivation to keep doing the right thing! 

ALSO! I have a book recommendation.  It's probably the best memoir that deals with eating disorders and mental health issues that I've read in a while.

Loud In the House of Myself, by Stacy Pershall