Monday, September 3, 2012

Just some words I've found...

I seem to have trouble finding words to say. Emotions, feelings, and putting those into some form of coherent verbiage is not my strong point. Obviously this is what leads to my countless therapy sessions and groups where I find myself repeating "I don't know" over and over and over.  And I truly feel that I don't know. I just... can't say. All of the thoughts spin around in my head and I can't put words to them, and I would feel embarrassed to just say it all out loud (and they'd probably get annoyed. My ADD can be to blame for millions of fleeting, incomplete thoughts, that are completely unrelated to anything that I SHOULD be thinking about.)

Anyways... The point of this is that because of my trouble with saying what I feel, I find using others' words much easier. When I hear or read something that I can relate to, that is just SO TRUE to me and that I can connect with on the ultimate level of understanding, I get this feeling.  I just can't get it out of my head.  It can be in a song, the newspaper, a book I'm reading, a billboard, anything.

The most recent episode of this feeling came while I was reading "Just Listen", a novel by Sarah Dessen (yes, it's a young adult book.  Don't judge...)

"Everything hurt. I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek to the street, and waited. What for, I didn't know. To be rescued. Or found. But no one came. All I'd ever thought I wanted was to be left alone. Until I was."

I can't even really explain how much I relate to this, and in which way, aside from the fact that I believe this to be EXTREMELY related to my disorder and my mental struggles. If you can relate, I think that you, too, will understand on some level. Or you could relate in a completely different way, interpreting the quote differently.  That's the great, yet frustrating, thing about words. Only YOU can truly know what you are saying.  Everyone listening can only know their interpretation of you.  It's YOU, tainted by the others' judgements, morals, feelings, moods, and opinions.